To be honest I have no idea how to begin this post. Let me start off by saying that I've debated on how personal this blog needs to be but tonight I am in so much despair I don't seem to care.
I'm sorry if your reading this and wondering what in the world is wrong with Stephanie? Let me explain:
On Nov.14th we found out that we were going to have another baby. To say the least we were in complete shock! Without going into much detail we "followed the directions" regarding precautions following the loss of Levi. So many emotions flooded us, "how can we go the through this emotional rollercoaster pregnancy while were still mourning our son?"
To make a long story short, we knew we were in for a LONG road. With the newfound syndrome and getting pregnant so quickly after Levi, we were scared. I had to start daily injections in my stomach to combat my blood disorder and have stayed up with everything the doctors here in Costa Rica, as well as in the US, have told me.
Tuesday. Lee and I went in for a sonogram and they only saw the yoke sak and basically that was it. The doctor said I was barely four weeks which would have been impossible. I called my Doctor and told him everything and rhe radiologist had said and he was very relieved because they must not add the two weeks to their pregnancy that we do in the US. He said it was all normal and I was able to breath again. Yesterday he told me to send him the dates of my tests and my hormone levels and his email back at 9:01 last night was devastating. He said he was honestly concerned because according to my levels I should be at least 7 weeks and he should have seen a heart beat. He told me to repeat the sonogram in one week and that he will pray.
After I read his email, I physically got sick and cried until Lee got home around 9:30.
By 10pm we had changed our plane tickets back to the US for this Saturday (we were supposed to fly out next Friday) and by 11pm we were packing. I will be honest and say that I don't know if I have any hope left for this baby but I am trying so hard to hold on. We will fly in on Sat to Houston and spend the night then get up and drive to Abilene on Sunday for our sonogram. I am so grateful that it will be a quiet office with no one around but us. This sonogram on Sunday will tell us the fate of our precious child.
Lately I have had so many questions about prayer and have had trouble grasping it. I've even wondered if I should petition to God to be able to carry this child in my womb safely. If He already knows then what was the point in asking. Anyway, I'm not trying to get my answers on prayer right now, I've decided to beg and plead for all of your prayers. Dr.T wrote a couple of weeks ago that there is power in numbers so I figured this was our best and quickest chance.
Please pray that this Sunday Dr.T will see a heartbeat! Please pray that this baby is growing like it should and that no matter what issues this baby might face we will do anything to hold it in our arms. Please pray for hope.
I hate that some of you are finding out this way as we had hoped to wait a little while longer and, hopefully, "get out of the woods" regarding the early stages of pregnancy. And, for obvious reasons we were trying to keep this as private as possible with everything that happened with Levi and the APS syndrome. Even though we would have loved to call alot of you and tell you personally, even some of our family members, time is not on our side. We found all this out last night, spent all day packing (we will be tomorrow too), we travel on Saturday to the US and Sunday is the sonogram. Please know this would be the last way we would want to tell you this news.
We will try and keep you updated as much as possible with the results. We love you all and are so grateful for your prayers.
P.S. Please also pray for safe travels, that we will get everything done before we go, our goodbyes to our team and some amazing new friends from school, a smooth transition for the kiddos, my health and that we find much needed peace and comfort.