Thursday, December 11, 2008

Our Time To Go Came Sooner Than We Thought

To be honest I have no idea how to begin this post. Let me start off by saying that I've debated on how personal this blog needs to be but tonight I am in so much despair I don't seem to care.
I'm sorry if your reading this and wondering what in the world is wrong with Stephanie? Let me explain:

On Nov.14th we found out that we were going to have another baby. To say the least we were in complete shock! Without going into much detail we "followed the directions" regarding precautions following the loss of Levi. So many emotions flooded us, "how can we go the through this emotional rollercoaster pregnancy while were still mourning our son?"

To make a long story short, we knew we were in for a LONG road. With the newfound syndrome and getting pregnant so quickly after Levi, we were scared. I had to start daily injections in my stomach to combat my blood disorder and have stayed up with everything the doctors here in Costa Rica, as well as in the US, have told me.

Tuesday. Lee and I went in for a sonogram and they only saw the yoke sak and basically that was it. The doctor said I was barely four weeks which would have been impossible. I called my Doctor and told him everything and rhe radiologist had said and he was very relieved because they must not add the two weeks to their pregnancy that we do in the US. He said it was all normal and I was able to breath again. Yesterday he told me to send him the dates of my tests and my hormone levels and his email back at 9:01 last night was devastating. He said he was honestly concerned because according to my levels I should be at least 7 weeks and he should have seen a heart beat. He told me to repeat the sonogram in one week and that he will pray.

After I read his email, I physically got sick and cried until Lee got home around 9:30.
By 10pm we had changed our plane tickets back to the US for this Saturday (we were supposed to fly out next Friday) and by 11pm we were packing. I will be honest and say that I don't know if I have any hope left for this baby but I am trying so hard to hold on. We will fly in on Sat to Houston and spend the night then get up and drive to Abilene on Sunday for our sonogram. I am so grateful that it will be a quiet office with no one around but us. This sonogram on Sunday will tell us the fate of our precious child.

Lately I have had so many questions about prayer and have had trouble grasping it. I've even wondered if I should petition to God to be able to carry this child in my womb safely. If He already knows then what was the point in asking. Anyway, I'm not trying to get my answers on prayer right now, I've decided to beg and plead for all of your prayers. Dr.T wrote a couple of weeks ago that there is power in numbers so I figured this was our best and quickest chance.

Please pray that this Sunday Dr.T will see a heartbeat! Please pray that this baby is growing like it should and that no matter what issues this baby might face we will do anything to hold it in our arms. Please pray for hope.

I hate that some of you are finding out this way as we had hoped to wait a little while longer and, hopefully, "get out of the woods" regarding the early stages of pregnancy. And, for obvious reasons we were trying to keep this as private as possible with everything that happened with Levi and the APS syndrome. Even though we would have loved to call alot of you and tell you personally, even some of our family members, time is not on our side. We found all this out last night, spent all day packing (we will be tomorrow too), we travel on Saturday to the US and Sunday is the sonogram. Please know this would be the last way we would want to tell you this news.

We will try and keep you updated as much as possible with the results. We love you all and are so grateful for your prayers.

P.S. Please also pray for safe travels, that we will get everything done before we go, our goodbyes to our team and some amazing new friends from school, a smooth transition for the kiddos, my health and that we find much needed peace and comfort.


Aunt Nat Nat said...

The birth of Jesus was a miracle and the birth of our precious baby can be too. Im so thankful God controls every situation...maybe it's because He knows we can not. I love you all so much and can't wait to see you Saturday.

Kim, Aaron, Jake and Jack said...

Definitely praying for yall and your sweet family. BTW, Sorry, I got your email (thank you!), and I have so meant to write you back. Anyhow, I truly will be thinking of yall this weekend. We love yall and think of yall often.

Alisa said...

I haven't been following your blog for a while so I didn't know about Levi. I'm so sorry for your loss. Many prayers for your ultrasound on Sunday, your travels, and everything else.

Hannah said...

On my knees for you!

Wendy said...

Praying, praying!

Holly said...

Love you guys. You know we're praying!

hannah said...

Prayers for you Steph!

Caroline said...

Praying for you all and miss you all alot!

Anonymous said...

Praying for peace and safe travels. May God continue bless, guide, and comfort you always.

God bless,
Kathy Carson

sarah said...

love you steph. praying for you and the baby

leslie said...

Oh my goodness. We are praying so hard for you all. Love you.


Lindsey M said...

Allison shared with me your blog address. Our family is praying for yours during this time. I am sorry I didn't say goodbye to you yesterday in the midst of all the chaos. We loved getting to know you guys the little bit that we did and we want you to know that we are praying for you guys.
Sean and Lindsey McCann and the girls

alisonthompson said...

i found myself looking at your blog tonight with some sadness in my heart (ok, and a tear or 2). i already miss you guys tons. it seems like as we went through our day we should have heard sofia or maddox yelling out our names (or at each other...haha). cailyn already called for maddox at the will take time for her to learn you are no longer there. we are praying for peace as you go through your day tomorrow. i know the next 5 months will fly by, but it will be so incredibly different without the 4 of you. love you!

Ann Reese said...

We just heard about this and we are praying. Love you guys so much and please know we are here for you and want to do anything we can for you. Praying for you and the sonogram today and that precious baby and your whole family. Love you.

The Peacocks said...

You don't know me, but I know John Mark and Tara and Mark C. I have been following your teams blog and I just want you to know that there is power in numbers whether those numbers know you personally or not. I am praying for you and your precious family!