This week has been pretty surreal. It's hard for me to imagine that at this exact point in my pregnancy I lost Levi. In fact tomorrow was the exact day that I found out (on the Thursday of my 17th week) that he was gone. Another weird fact is that it was my first week of Spanish school in Costa Rica and this week I just started a short course at Abilene Christian University of Spanish.
I know, to most of you this seems crazy to think about but to me it keeps me up too late at night. This week will be a big mile stone and I pray I can get through it without too much craziness.
I wish I could feel the baby move more consistently so that would give me some reassurance but unfortunately I don't yet. It's the strangest feeling trying hard not to get too attached to this baby while at the same time feeling all the physical and emotional changes. I wish I could believe that everything will be fine but in my heart I just won't let myself go there. I know all this is normal to experience but it's hard feeling pulled in two directions.
It makes me cringe to hear Sofia talk about babysitting the baby and wanting to feed it ALL by herself. I want so bad for her to be able to have that but cannot feel secure enough to tell her it will happen for sure. We really haven't talked about it with her much but she brings it up herself more and more.
Thank you for your continued prayers!