It's so hard to believe that a year ago today I found out in a sterile room in Costa Rica that our baby had no heart beat. Today is mixed with so many emotions I don't quite know what to think or say. I spent the majority of my morning trying to occupy myself with running tons of errands while my kids were playing at church with a play-group. Now though, the house is quiet and so much is going through my head and the tears have arrived.
I know in the past year Lee and I have learned so much and we have grown in different ways through this experience. Realistically though, when I sit down and think about why we lost Levi there just aren't any clear answers, unfortunately sometimes there never is. I do know that I wouldn't be having this baby boy I'm carrying now, in a few weeks and that in itself on some days is hard to swallow.
Anyway, I'm not going to make this a long, drawn out blog entry but I did want to share this day because it will be a special one in our family forever. We are leaving for Dallas today but before we do we will do something special in memory of Levi. It's funny because lots of people have told me the whole balloon idea but yesterday when I asked Sofia what we should do for Levi she said "I think we should buy him some balloons and send them to the sky for him because I think that will make him feel happy." I guess it's a good idea all around.
Well I guess that's exactly what well do but I think we will skip the Hannah Montana balloons she thought he might enjoy.
Thank you to all of you that have been on this journey with us since the beginning. At this moment I'm feeling pretty weary and tired but I'm really trying hard to think about what peace he has where he is at. It doesn't feel like it's been a year though so much has happened in this year, it just feels like yesterday.
I love you sweet boy and I cannot wait for the day I get to hold you. Your in much better arms though.
Mom
PS Because Lee and I love to celebrate things and we thought we could help this day be joyful by celebrating Maddox's half birthday! He is 2 1/2 and we will be having a little party for him in Dallas. Also today is my sweet grandma's birthday (I love you GG) and our teammate Wes's birthday. Hope your having a great day in Peru!
2 comments:
You said it better than I ever could if we were ever in that position. Way to go being strong, and we can't wait to meet the next Baby Boy Fletcher soon! Miss you. Take care of you and have a great weekend.
I miss Levi too. I did not get to hold my grandson this side but if things go well for me I will get to hold him with all the time in the world...even before Mom and Dad get to. (I have a sneaking suspicion that time will not exist so maybe we will all see each other at exactly the same time.)
I love you sweet girl and am going to miss you, terribly, when I know you are further away than Abilene. (I guess by air it takes about the same amount of time as driving to Abilene)
See you in a couple of weeks for Summit.
Dad
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