Saturday, September 06, 2008

God is Still God

We just got dropped off at home (by a taxi, that was surreal getting into a cab from the hospital) and man is it quiet. The kids are asleep (well Sofia just woke up) and I was dreading coming home for some reason and now I know why. It is SO quiet. In the midst of silence I keep thinking of this horrible dream but yet it's not a dream at all. I have no T.V. or radio so I am using this blog as my outlet to express myself. You are welcome to quit reading now (with no hard feelings) cause I have no idea where my words will lead but hopefully it won't get too gushy.

All I can think about is "did the last 48 hours really just happen?" Last night Lee and I layed in my hospital bed and read a blog of a complete stranger. We were recommended this blog and I know God placed it on that person to send us that link. I spent hours reading and crying. I learned so much from someone I had never met. They lost their little girl a few hours after she was born and you would be absolutely amazed at the strength of this family. Only God can give you that kind of strength.

One thing I wanted to share that I thought was so neat was Angie (the girl who's blog I was reading) said "God is still the same God today in this tradgedy as he was yesterday." I'm sure that's not a direct quote and I'm sure everything I share won't be but how true is that statement! No matter how angry, sad, confused or hurt WE are God is still the same compassionate, magnificent God. He let us have this precious child for over four months in my womb and in case your wondering a lot was planned for this baby. We changed our plans for Costa Rica, bought new outfits, diapers, toys, found a new bassinet, had names we loved and so much more. Our plans are going to change, our lives halted for a while but God's plans have never changed. Our baby is home. Even though we never got to hold him, he is with HIS maker. I've been home literally for 45 minutes and already our precious Sofia is wondering if I "got a baby at the hospital." Too bad she is so smart. I just told her he went to heaven. She then proceeds to say "oh, yeah were going to get the baby in Abilene!" Kids are so innocent, aren't they?

I will share more later but I'm getting tired. I want to personally thank all of you who have been so supportive of our family. We've received countless emails, calls, prayers on our behalf, meals, flowers and so much more. You can never imagine how enveloped we feel in this lonely time.


pribish4 said...

I hate to comment here but I don't know how to get ahold of you right now. Do you have phones there? Call me when you're ready. We are so so so sorry and devastated for you. I have no great words, only the desire to be with you guys and hug you close.
We love you and miss you,

Mary Beth said...

I am so sorry to read this horrible news. I will be praying for you, Lee, and the kids. Love you guys.

Cotton Photography said...

I have no words to make better, just know that my heart is so full of love, hope and prayer for you guys right now. I know that one day very soon in Peru, you will have this powerful testimony and story to touch someone's life, and be their support in a similar situation. Your baby is a blessing, and I pray through you, his story will bring more followers to Christ. God is good, all the time, all the time, God is good. Love you guys.

Ann Reese said...

Thank you for your honesty Stephanie and sharing your heart. I'm so sorry for your loss and that the last 48 hours even happened. I think of you guys all the time. You are all in our prayers in the coming days especially. You are loved and covered in prayer tonight from people everywhere whose hearts hurt for yall. God bless you with peace and comfort, especially in the silence. And Lee, I know you are taking such great care of your family even in your hurt. May God meet each of your needs.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie, you have written a beautiful post in the midst of an incredibly emotional and painful time in your life. My heart goes out to you. I, too, have felt your pain. I lost my baby at 16 weeks many years ago. We never knew if we had a boy or a girl. We did know,however, the sting of disappointment,painful sadness, confusion, and emptiness. We are not always allowed to know the "Why?", but we can be assured that our God is in control and that His plan for us will be revealed in His time. We learned to trust and to wait. Less than one year later, He blessed us with Stacy! Fast forward thirty years and now you and Lee are a part of God's plan for Stacy! Amazing, huh.

We love you and your wonderful family and pray that the coming days and weeks and months keep you busy and filled with anticipation of God's wonderful blessings!

Sharon and Steve Brashear

emily anna said...

I am praying for you and Lee. My heart is just aching for you right now, I wish I could be there to hug you.
Know that I am thinking of you.
Love you so.
Emily and Jeff

Perks said...

My heart is hurting for you. We will keep you in our prayers. May He cover you with His peace.

Denise P.

sarah said...


I love you and Lee and the kids so much. I am so sorry. praying praying praying....a blanket and arms of peace to cover and hold you

-sarah and ryan