We just got dropped off at home (by a taxi, that was surreal getting into a cab from the hospital) and man is it quiet. The kids are asleep (well Sofia just woke up) and I was dreading coming home for some reason and now I know why. It is SO quiet. In the midst of silence I keep thinking of this horrible dream but yet it's not a dream at all. I have no T.V. or radio so I am using this blog as my outlet to express myself. You are welcome to quit reading now (with no hard feelings) cause I have no idea where my words will lead but hopefully it won't get too gushy.
All I can think about is "did the last 48 hours really just happen?" Last night Lee and I layed in my hospital bed and read a blog of a complete stranger. We were recommended this blog and I know God placed it on that person to send us that link. I spent hours reading and crying. I learned so much from someone I had never met. They lost their little girl a few hours after she was born and you would be absolutely amazed at the strength of this family. Only God can give you that kind of strength.
One thing I wanted to share that I thought was so neat was Angie (the girl who's blog I was reading) said "God is still the same God today in this tradgedy as he was yesterday." I'm sure that's not a direct quote and I'm sure everything I share won't be but how true is that statement! No matter how angry, sad, confused or hurt WE are God is still the same compassionate, magnificent God. He let us have this precious child for over four months in my womb and in case your wondering a lot was planned for this baby. We changed our plans for Costa Rica, bought new outfits, diapers, toys, found a new bassinet, had names we loved and so much more. Our plans are going to change, our lives halted for a while but God's plans have never changed. Our baby is home. Even though we never got to hold him, he is with HIS maker. I've been home literally for 45 minutes and already our precious Sofia is wondering if I "got a baby at the hospital." Too bad she is so smart. I just told her he went to heaven. She then proceeds to say "oh, yeah were going to get the baby in Abilene!" Kids are so innocent, aren't they?
I will share more later but I'm getting tired. I want to personally thank all of you who have been so supportive of our family. We've received countless emails, calls, prayers on our behalf, meals, flowers and so much more. You can never imagine how enveloped we feel in this lonely time.